If you follow me on twitter or facebook, you’ll know that things have not been the best for me. Since October 24, 2011, I have been unemployed. Coming up to almost a year in a couple of months, I don’t know how much longer I can hold out being this much out of work. My family and I have cut as much expenses as we can but we are running into a deficit every month. If work does not happen sooner than later, we would have to move out of our house into something more affordable. If it wasn’t for our families helping us, we would have been in a much dire situation. Nonetheless, something has to give. As Eric Draven would say, “Can’t rain all the time.” I agree but there have been very little sunny days. Be ready for more geeky references.
There are days were I feel utterly useless and hopeless. Like the Pakleds from Star Trek: The Next Generation, I too need to find thing to make me go. I thought I could become a very creative person while I had time on my hands. I worked on taking apart my old computer from ’97ish. I thought I could make some type of techie crafts including the innards of the keyboard. The ideas were there but not the drive to fulfill it.
Before I was laid off from the library, I wanted to write a comic book story based Batman and Superman in an Elseworld setting. If you don’t know Elseworld, this is an alternate reality where the stories take in a different time and even the heroes themselves are not the same depending on the circumstances. Having done a great deal of research and watching documentaries for the time period, I have roughly sketched out three issues of the comic. However, once again, the ideas were there but not the drive to fulfill it.
I could always place blame on things that have set me back. However, one thing always comes to mind is Maslow’s Hiearchy of Needs. When I was with the library, even with looming threat of the layoff, I was on the top part of the pyramid. Now, I am barely past the first stage. In other words, Bruce Wayne could never be a Batman if he lost all his money. No matter how much Gotham City needed a hero, Batman will never be when Bruce can’t afford to eat let alone fight crime. Much like myself, I want to be that person who was going above and beyond this pyramid. I was blogging, podcasting, creating, looking at new challenges ahead. Now, other than coming to the library for internet access, my iPhone is my only access to the internet 24/7 and the world. Thank god for the unlimited internet data plan that doesn’t exist anymore. (AT&T you still suck.)
Running has been only solace to keep my dark thoughts at bay. I’m still going for the half marathon goal by the beginning of the new year. I am at the 1/2 goal pushing myself to go beyond even further. I know that when I start work again, I will be including this into my daily regiment but now, I can’t afford to have such thoughts. I have toys still in boxes that I have yet to open because I want them for my desk for my next job. I don’t want to feel this way and torture myself but I have to look forward with these goals in mind.
I started to read Batman Vol.1 – Court of the Owls and there was something true Bruce said. He was giving a fundraiser speech in which he was talking about not looking to the past or even the present to resolve Gotham’s problems because, in essence, there is nothing we can do about it. Even now, me writing this blog is not going to help my situation but if I plan on the future – there is where I can have success. Bruce said something to the effect of place goals and then achieving those goals then all the past problems would be in the past and a brighter future. When I read that, I was dumbfounded by this. I am running to better and healthier me. Financially, we may be struggling now but we would have less bills to worry about. I am in the process of getting myself back to school and finishing up my degree. I am only three classes away. Once I get this done, I will able to get those library jobs which needs a library degree and be in a better place in the future. From there, I do want to pursue my doctorate and fulfill a long-standing promise to myself I made back in 2005. With the future laid out, there is a game plan.
The question still lingers, how much longer till I find work? I’ll keep you posted as time goes but I look ever so eagerly to continue my blogging and podcasting and doing lots of geeky stuff that makes me very, very happy besides having sex with an Orion slave girl or Mary the three breasted mutant from the original Total Recall played by Lycia Naff not the remake crap. (Funny story, went to see it with my partner in crime Mr. Gene and 1/2 through the movie the bulb for film projector exploded. The pressure of showing this crap remake was too much to bear.)